The most pathetic yetAug 9th, 2010 | By Ian Poulton | Category: Personal Columns
Is Mrs Tiffany Williams a connection of Mrs Rose Williams who recently offered a share of $12.5 million in return for providing her with bank account details? Probably not, the present Mrs Williams purports to have a Brazilian email address, email@example.com, while recently bereaved Rose Williams writes in her grief from West Africa.
The Williams, however, are quite literate and professional in their attempts at a scam compared to the man claiming to be Mr Ian Elliott, firstname.lastname@example.org, writing in distress from his Spanish vacation. He needs some coaching.
I’m writing this with tears in my eyes,We came down here to Spain for a short vacation and We were mugged at gun point last night at the park of the hotel where we lodged all cash,credit cards and cell were stolen off us.
We’ve been to the Ireland embassy and the Police here but they’re not helping issues at all,Our flight leaves in less than 24hrs from now and we are having problems settling the hotel bills.
The hotel manager won’t let us leave until we settle the hotel bills now we freaked out.
We need your help.
Oh dear! That won’t do at all.
You do certainly need some help – with your letter writing.
“Hey”? Who starts a message with ‘hey’?
“I’m writing this with tears in my eyes”. How could you be writing anything? You don’t have any money?
A short vacation? This is Ireland you’re writing to; we go on holidays. Rather a lack of cultural awareness there
Hotel where we lodged? We stay in hotels here; lodgers are people you take in to make a few quid.
‘Cell’? I think you mean ‘mobile’.
Oh, by the way, RTE are rather good at keeping us informed of people in distress; you obviously don’t live in a country where you can listen to ‘Morning Ireland’.
The Ireland embassy? Don’t you mean the Irish embassy? If you are trying to present yourself as a native of a country, you might at least get the nationality right. The embassy is, of course, in Madrid. But perhaps you went to visit the Prado?
‘Now we freaked out’? Only teenagers talk in such terms, and they could manage the first person plural of the verb ‘to be’.
Mr Not Ian Elliott, it’s hard to know why you bothered to sit at some internet cafe and write such drivel. Why don’t you contact the kindly Mesdames Williams, and get some tips? Their letters are far more entertaining.