You’re not wanted in our church

Oct 21st, 2010 | By | Category: Church of Ireland Comment

Cooling down, 24 hours after the frustrations of diocesan synod, Tom came to mind.  Tom would have shaken his head that my temper had not improved.

Tom was a good friend to me. Thirty years my senior, he was an avuncular figure who kept open the little church where he and his wife and a small number of others worshipped Sunday by Sunday. Tom always smiled, always laughed, always had an encouraging word. Tom was getting better. The day he was told that the tests were clear, he waltzed his wife around the hospital ward.

A few days after the good news, Tom died. It was a cold, bleak winter’s Saturday evening in Belfast and Tom was the second of my parishioners to die that day. I drove back through the Ulster countryside feeling numb. There was no time for feeling sad, it was Sunday the next day and the show would go on. Tom’s loss was a bitter blow.

Tom’s funeral took place on a bright, chilly Tuesday afternoon in the little church he loved so much. There was not space for the community that gathered to bid him farewell. Tom had a daughter in her 20s, bright, articulate and pretty, she was her parents pride and joy, getting to college and becoming a teacher. She took Tom’s death with a gentle grace and asked to read at the funeral, choosing the passage from Ecclesiastes, “There is a time for everything”.

I buried Tom close to the churchyard wall, a spot he had chosen for himself, laughing when he showed me it. Neither he nor I could have suspected that the grave would be opened so soon.

I arrived back at the Rectory with a heavy heart. There was nothing cheerful to be said. The telephone rang, “Ian Poulton”.

“Mr Poulton, I am phoning to complain that nothing has been done about the trees at the bottom of the Rectory garden. If they came down in a storm, they would hit our house”.

“Mrs Smith, the trees have been there for centuries, they are not tall enough to hit your house, and do you know what? I have just buried a good friend and I am not interested in silly conversations about trees. Goodbye.”

I slammed the phone down. Tom would probably have frowned at me for not being more diplomatic, but Tom wasn’t there anymore.

Synod yesterday had little time for people like Tom – the faithful people who have for generations kept their churches open.  They were regarded with condescending tones, told they were mistaken in a patronising manner.  Tom would not have had the education to express how much his parish meant to him; his faith was expressed in his hours of work, in cut grass, brushed paths, weed free graves; in being there every Sunday, even if he and his wife were the entire congregation.

There was little regard for people like Tom yesterday, it will hardly be surprising when people like Tom start to show a similar disregard for us.

11 comments
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  1. Brilliant – we all know someone like Tom in every parish – unfortunately many of us never really appreciate everything they do until they are no longer there – sad to read that people like Tom are held in little regard by some of the powers that be but “He that humbleth himself shalt be exhaulted”.

  2. Lovely piece Ian, couldn’t agree more. Dare you to put it in your parish notes for the diocesan mag and see if the Gestapo pass it! Thinking of the arrogance of some of the speeches makes me want to add to Rosemary’s quote, “he that exalteth himself shall be humbled…”

  3. I think there needs to be some healing and some bridgebuilding. I’m not sure how possible that will be.

  4. Am I right in thinking that the business bean counters have moved into religion as well as every other walk of life???

  5. Managerialism, Les; strategies and all that stuff. It causes bewilderment to those who have simply got on with things for years.

  6. As a pure coincidence our sermon in church today focussed on the very words he that humbled himself shall be exalted and vica versa as a reflection of today’s lesson Me thinks He Who Should Be Obeyed (meaning the “man above”) could well be a bit peeved with the shinanigans too !!!!

  7. Sad times.

  8. As I am behind in my reading I am going off to think about this article- which is very true!!!!- the ‘common people’- who may not have the ‘book learning’ of the higher ups but may have a more natural and commonsense approach to faith and all that goes with the church- work very hard to maintain a building that has a central role in their lives- some clergy seem to forget that they are passing through and the people are left behind dealing with the various trends and notions that have entered various heads: that could do with knocking together!!!!!!!

  9. Ms Childs, I missed you on Sunday evening!

    I agree about the damage done by some clergy, but cannot understand why some of the appointments are made.

  10. Well said, Madeleine! Unfortunately some clergy do not seem to understand the people they are ministering to at all. A little empathy goes a long way. All too often clergy (and bishops) cause havoc in the name of “good management” and then pass on, leaving others to try to clean up the mess (and broken hearts and spirits) left behind…

  11. The fallout can remain for years.

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